Self-criticism

With my pop-psychologist hat on, I have often noted that being self-critical can lead to two very different ways of relating to other people.

1. A self-critical person can be fearful of other people and their critiques. Because they are self-critical they know all their weak spots and feel exposed and vulnerable as soon as conversation turns to them.
2. But self-critical people can also be deeply judgmental. They hold themselves to a high standard, but also hold everyone else to that standard too. This is my tendency. I have quite a critical streak, but I comfort myself that I am just as strict on myself.

But why does self-criticism lead to two totally different ways of relating to others?

I think it is because the act of self-criticism is the act of dividing yourself in two. You take yourself outside of yourself in order to judge yourself. When you divide yourself in two like this you have a choice: which of the two is my core identity?

If your core identity (the purple circle) is the judged, then you will be fearful of other people and their judgements. "I will never succeed, please don't be harsh on me."

If your core identity (the purple circle) is the judge, then you will look down on other people and judge them. "I am disappointed in myself, but you don't do any better."

It doesn’t take a genius to see that dividing yourself up in order to be introspective is an unhealthy thing. Instinctively we know that splitting ourself in two breaks us, because it alienates us from ourselves. But we can also see it is unhealthy in the external fruit of our alienation from others.

The way to wholeness, and to reconciliation with ourselves and with each other, is through finding a critic and judge totally outside of ourselves. Refusing to judge ourselves, either as passes or fails, but entrusting the judgment to God.

But there is a second step needed in order not to just be whole, but to have hope. That is to find your identity in Christ.

Praise God, that if we give up our self-judgments and instead find God’s judgment in Jesus Christ (his righteousness revealed), we find firstly that we are judged for our rebellion in his cross, but that is then forgotten and forgiven and instead we are judged to be sons in his resurrection.